All-expenses-repaid dates are on an upswing, but they are they really a good idea?
Most of us have visited assume thus absolutely nothing from your dating lifestyle plus the some body we are fulfilling (usually) out of apps, one planning on anything else from their website than just turning up towards the date appears impractical – and you will, let’s not pretend, also that isn’t confirmed. But this is simply not real for every single modern singleton. In fact, of numerous heterosexual women appear to be making more requires than ever before of dudes they time, have a tendency to ahead of additionally they invest in fulfill all of them.
This was encapsulated by a recent viral clip on Put Uncovered podcast, hosted by sex and relationship influencer Oloni. During the podcast episode, Oloni – who has 212,000 followers on Instagram – reads a WhatsApp exchange between her female friend and a man she was due to go on a first date with. She asks him whether he’d be picking her up or organising an Uber for her, assuming that he would arrange her transport to the date. “I’m not able to do any of those. Get a cab, train or bus for yourself. Will find my way there too,” was his reply. 8.4 million people have watched this clip on Twitter and the responses are divided, with some people outraged by the man’s “rude” message and others baffled that anyone would ask for their transport to be organised and paid for on a first date.
Conversations around splitting the bill have been going on for years, with the majority of people arguing that splitting the bill promotes gender equality, by ensuring both people on the date, regardless of gender, have equal autonomy. But now, some women are promoting the idea that having a man cover all of your expenses, including the usual food, drinks, as well as transport and any other costs involved with a date, is not only a reasonable expectation if a man asks you out, with the thought process behind this being that he is the one who has expressed interest in the date, but sets a good standard for a relationship. This coincides with discussions around “high value men” – which is someone who embodies traditional masculine values – one to TikToker describes them as “leaders” and “providers,” stating that “they are good at being men” and “they want a woman that is good at being a woman.” According to the TikToks under the #highvalueman tag, which has over 500 million views, this doesn’t just come down to men being able to financially provide for their partners, but this does play a part in being a “high value man.”
What exactly is an effective ‘high value man’?
The “high value man” trope promotes a lot of traditional gender roles – and it isn’t the only trend of its kind. A number of self-described stay-at-home-girlfriends who began documenting their day-to-day life in 2022 went viral for their lifestyle and the ways in which they promoted it. They were widely criticised, compared to “Stepford Wives” and described as anti-feminist. Podcast host Oloni tells Mashable that she believes choosing this lifestyle doesn’t necessarily have to negate feminist ideals: “I think it’s important that women are able to have that choice without other people shouting down at you saying ‘what you’re doing is wrong,'” she says. “If you want something a bit more traditional in your relationship, you’re allowed to have that. It doesn’t make you any less of a feminist.” This argument essentially comes down to Choice Feminism, which is the belief that as long as a woman has made a decision for herself, no matter what it is, then that is inherently feminist. It’s a branch of feminism that has been widely debated, and issues like this one highlight why it’s so controversial, as it means that choices that aren’t necessarily made in the interest of women’s rights are still considered feminist.
One TikToker who uses the handle argues that demanding an all-expenses-paid-date actually makes you more of a feminist, because it’s a way to manipulate the dating structure that is, she says, not designed to benefit women: “You guys have created a dating system whereby you judge women if they’re not married by a certain age but have then given the primary decision of marriage to yourselves,” she says in a video clip. “The only reason you’re having a problem with it now is because we’re doing to you what you did to women for ages – you valued us off our looks and our bodies and now we’re valuing you off your ability to provide.”
32-year-old Sinead says that her outlook on splitting the bill has changed mainly because of men’s past reactions to her offering to do so: “When I first started dating I was more inclined to split the bill or take turns paying for dates but my opinion changed after being admonished by men for doing so on several occasions. Often, they expressed feeling like less of a man by my offer to pay,” she explains. A 2022 analysis of 700 British people by credit card company AquaCard suggests it might not just be women pushing for all-expenses-paid dates, as it found that almost 40 percent of women believe a date should be split evenly compared to only 15 percent of men. Sinead now allows the men she dates to cover the costs involved with a date and her views on dating have changed as a result. “I think it should be assumed that the person who has asked the other party out on a date should arrange transport for the date. I may be old fashioned, but there is an art to dating that seems to be lost worldbrides.org BesГ¶k webbplatsen to many modern daters.”
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